Seven

There are so many things I could write about right now, and I plan on addressing them, one by one, in the near future. Some of you know what we went through earlier this year. Some of you don't. It suffices to say, I have come out the other side feeling changed, awakened. For the first time in my life, I feel as clay must feel, soft and pliable, ready to be shaped by a master potter into something miraculous.

Master Potter Spins His Wheel, from Nagarjun

I have experienced much loss in my life. The death of loved ones, born or unborn, and other, less critical losses that still manage to carry a certain amount of trauma. But never have I had so many losses occur in such a short amount of time. I read somewhere that the average person experiences a serious loss once every three or so years. From the end of last year, into the beginning of this one, in about seven weeks, we had seven tragic and scary events: Two deaths of loved ones, a miscarriage, an attempted burglary, an out-of-town hospitalization, a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, and a complicated situation of being trapped while pregnant. 

Many people recognize some of these as losses. But others are not as obvious. So, as I tell you about them, I intend to include some analysis of my own grief. I'm sure this process will leave me feeling vulnerable. I can only hope to continue to receive the same compassion you have shown me in the past.

PCOS

Photo of Pearls from Wikimedia Commons

September was PCOS awareness month, and suddenly it's over and I realize I didn't do an official post for it on this blog!  I did address my PCOS in my last post, so if you want to know more about it, you can read it here. I also addressed it further in a guest post for the Resolve New England blog. I'm rather proud of that post, and would love for you to go read it at http://www.resolvenewengland.org/2012/09/pcos-from-not-me-to-thats-me/.

Something that a lot of people don't think about is that PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, covers a huge range of experiences and symptoms. It's even in the name. The term "syndrome" references the fact that it is a spectrum disorder. In some women, PCOS causes ultra-long or non-existent menstrual cycles, but not all. For some it's a cause of infertility, but not for all.  For some, it causes miscarriages, but again, not all. Some women, but not all, have related weight difficulties, and some struggle with facial hair and/or acne. But it's a little different for almost everyone.

The most important piece of information to take from this though, is that PCOS is very common. It's considered the most common cause of infertility, and it is estimated that between 5 and 10 percent of women of reproductive age are affected by it. You can learn more about it here.

Shaking It Out

My favorite current song is Florence + The Machine's "Shake It Out". After four and a half years of trying to have a baby, failed IUIs, IVFs, and miscarriages, with diagnoses of both male and female factor infertility, I feel like I need to "Shake It Out".

After our last failed embryo transfer in November, with no frozen embryos left, and at almost 36 years old, the odds becoming increasingly stacked against us having a our own genetic child, spending $20,000 a pop on each additional IVF attempt feels like a massive waste of money. Unless something else changes to improve our odds, I don't see us doing more IVF attempts using my own eggs. Neither does the Wacky Wicketeer. To be honest, I don't really want to put my body through that again for these odds. I have no idea how some women go through it seven times. Two has done me in. I can feel my organs, different pieces of my body, rebelling against the process; Screaming at me to stop.

Right now we're not sure what family-building route we will take. Donor egg? Donor embryo? Adoption? There's still no goalie in place, but with our odds, we know better than to get our hopes up that a) we'll get pregnant, plus b) we'll stay pregnant. Miracles do happen, but in the meantime we are researching our options, and taking some time to "shake the devil off our back", as Florence might put it.

Take a minute to enjoy the video and read the lyrics. I think we can all use an occasional "Shake It Out"!



Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off

And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but its left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah


Florence And The Machine Shake It Out lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/florence-and-the-machine-shake-it-out-lyrics.html

Five Snowflakes

The thing about IVF is that it's relatively unpredictable. Most people who haven't been through it don't realize the combination of steps and gambles, twists and turns, along the way. We just had one of these happen to us. Fortunately, it may be a blessing in disguise.

First of all, I've mentioned before that I was overstimmed during my first IVF, which was likely the cause of my low egg maturity rate, and that my stim dosages were decreased this time, in an attempt to avoid overstimulation. Well, it seems to have worked! IVF #1: 21 sizeable follicles, 19 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 embryos after fertilization with ICSI. IVF #2: 9 sizeable follicles, 11 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, 5 embryos after fertilization with ICSI. So you can see that the success rate at each step has been higher.

Today was the third day after egg retrieval (which by the way, was curiously more painful this time). We learned from the Embryologist that all 5 embryos are still growing, although one is slacking. A healthy embryo should be 6 or more cells by this point. Today we had a 9-cell, two 8-cells, a 7-cell, and a 5-cell. If my memory is correct, with IVF #1, we had an 8 cell, three 6-cells and a 5-cell. So the theme of higher success rates at each step of IVF #2 is continuing!

This IVF cycle has been more complicated because we want to do preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) at the day 5 stage, instead of day 3 like last time. In IVF #1, we had a single-cell biopsy done of our embryos at day 3, to test them for a severe chromosomal abnormality, and hopefully prevent another miscarriage. The results came back on day 5, and we had one competent embryo. Two tested as incompetent, and two were inconclusive. Unfortunately, the two that were inconclusive had already ceased growing on their own, or we would have given them a try.

A day 5 biopsy collects more than one cell for testing, and it takes longer to get the results. But it's also more accurate. However, it does require freezing. So our first plan for IVF #2 was to do a freeze-all cycle. But then, considering that we could easily end up with only 1 or 2 embryos to test at day 5, and that the 5-day growth process culls some of the genetically incompetent embryos anyway, we decided to have a back-up plan of preparing for an embryo transfer. In the case that we ended up with only 1 or 2 embryos at day 5, doing PGS seemed pretty pointless. But the result has been that I have had to prepare for both circumstances - a freeze-all, and a day 5 transfer. Having to explain this over and over again to confused nurses was no picnic.

Today, when the Embryologist called with our day 3 results, I was so relieved when she said we still have all five. If we had already been down to 1 or 2 poor-grade embryos, we would have gone in for a transfer today, and I am still in pain from my egg retrieval on Thursday, so I really don't feel ready to get pregnant. I was already getting worried about the very realistic possibility I would need to do a transfer on Tuesday, wondering if I would still be in pain. But, she also had some surprising news.

The Embryologist told me that they always grow a batch of mouse embryos to test the culture medium and lab environment, and that all her mouse embryos had just died. She needed to pull all embryos out of culture. In other words, they all had to be either transferred or frozen. So we froze all five of our embryos. The more accurate term would be "cryogenically preserved", but "froze" is easier to type.

Of course, the idea of something being seriously wrong in my embabies' first nursery concerns me, but I couldn't be happier with the Embryologist's response time, and her focus on saving them. The amazing part is this feels like a blessing. My body does not feel ready to become pregnant right now. This will give me a few weeks to feel completely healthy again.

So when will we get PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise-describing my state after an embryo is transferred)? Probably anywhere from late September to late October. Vague enough for you? I'll write more about what that part will entail in a later post. For now, we have five snowflake babies resting peacefully. Please pray for them and for us!

As always, please feel free to ask any questions. This often seems like science-fiction to me, but at this point I've probably become so familiar with it, I brush over some points that need explained. No question is too simple.

Thankful Thursday: Spa Professionals

It has been awhile since I've done a Thankful Thursday post, but as I was getting a massage earlier this week, it occurred to me that I don't know what I'd do without my spa professionals!

I'm thankful for my aestheticians - the ones that regularly wax my eyebrows, and the one that gave me my first ever facial this week! It was just a mini-facial, but it made me feel great. Thank God for the aestheticians that allow me to focus on me, and make me feel beautiful in the process.

Most of all, I'm thankful for massage therapists! They work magic with their hands and arms, kneading the stress out of my shoulders and back, soothing tired, aching arms and legs, and finding tension points I didn't know existed in my hands and feet. I have had some massage therapists that were absolutely heaven-sent. I'm thankful that these skilled people found their way to this profession, where they spend their time and energy helping the rest of us simply feel better.

Check it out: Info from "The Disappearing Male"

Most of you know that so far, our fertility diagnosis is one of male factor infertility. Specifically, the Wacky Wicketeer has abnormal sperm morphology, or too low a number of properly-shaped sperm, and sometimes borderline sperm motility. This male factor infertility issue is becoming more and more common, and for us, is likely one of the factors involved in our two pregnancy losses.

When the Wacky Wicketeer and I discovered our infertile status, it was estimated that one in ten couples of child-bearing age in the U.S. was infertile. That number has already gone up to one in eight. Moreover, reproductive and other problems in boys are on an alarming increase.

A little less than two years ago, and replayed earlier this year, CBC, a respected Canadian television network, did a documentary as part of its Doc Zone series, called "The Disappearing Male". Unfortunately, the website only allows those in Canada to view it online, here: http://www.cbc.ca/video/#/Shows/Doc_Zone/ID=1233750780

But even if you can't watch the video, you can find some of the alarming facts on their fact sheet on male infertility, such as: "The average sperm count of a North American college student today is less than half of what it was 50 years ago." They also include some great explanations as to just how and why this appears to be happening, in their document, "Backgrounder: Endocrine 101".

While the current state of information in this arena is fluctuating and largely theoretical, the statistics are staggering, and the anecdotes are heartbreaking. The Wacky Wicketeer and I have taken the approach that, if there is something we can do about it in our lives, then we might as well do it. Some examples of the steps we have taken include: Getting rid of all our kitchen plastics other than numbers 1, 2, 4 and 5; Not using any plastics in the microwave; Getting a new couch; Dusting and vaccuming more frequently; Decreasing products we use with phthalates and parabens, opting for goods that use other, known and recognizable ingredients.

I hope you'll take a minute to look at the CBC info, and consider what you can do to make a difference for the children and future children in your life.

Manic Monday Munchies: The Farmers' Market

Eggs from our Farmers' Market

Last Saturday morning, the Wacky Wicketeer and I finally checked out the nearest Farmers’ Market. It had recently moved from about eight miles away to only 2-3 miles away, so we had no excuse as to why we hadn’t been there yet (other than the fact my darling husband likes to sleep until noon on Saturdays).

We were on the hunt for meat and dairy products mostly, because we already have weekly deliveries of local, organic, fruits and vegetables from Farm Fresh to You. Sure enough, we found local, organic, pasture-raised chicken, beef, eggs and cheese. The only things missing that I needed were milk and yogurt. However, I am planning a visit to the Sacramento Natural Foods Co-op, where I’ve heard I can find local milk and yogurt. We also happened to find some fresh, shelled, raw walnuts and pistachios, and a gorgeous hanging geranium plant for our backyard. It was a great time, with the ambience of people chatting and getting to know their food-providers, and even live music in the background.

Geranium from our Farmers' Market

So why go to the trouble? First of all, it’s really not much trouble. Even before we were trying to eat anything organic, much less organic and local, we would make trips to both Bel-Air and Costco every 1-2 weeks for groceries. Now, our produce is delivered to us, so about every two weeks, I’ll go to the Co-op for milk and yogurt, and the Wacky Wicketeer and I will have a Saturday morning date browsing the Farmers’ Market. But what if I need more food suddenly, for guests, or something? Then I just drive an extra five miles to the Davis Ranch stand in Sloughouse. Or, I take something out of the freezer, or make an extra trip to the Co-op. By the way, I’m no longer buying frozen food. Instead, I freeze some of what I get from the farms, for when it goes out of season, or if I happen to need extra. When you are eating local food, you actually observe its seasonality.

That brings up the second reason we are becoming sort of “locavores”. Food tastes so much better when it is in season, and appropriately ripened. What’s more, because it hasn’t had to travel thousands of miles, it didn’t  require genetic modification, or preservatives-leaving it in its pure state, as God and Mother Nature intended-naturally delicious (not to mention nutritious).

Local Wine

Our third reason is health. Our health and the health of our planet. The environmental savings when eating locally is obvious. It means your food didn’t have to use the petroleum required, and create the resulting
pollution, to travel from thousands of miles away. Moreover, we help to preserve biodiversity by not requiring our food to be genetically modified so that it can last longer. There is also an immediate benefit to our own bodies-we no longer have to strain our liver and kidneys, among other things, in digesting additives and preservatives. In addition, think about the recent recall of eggs due to salmonella poisoning-because I bought my eggs from a local farmer with a small flock (I even got to see pictures of the hens wandering around their pasture outside the barn), I wasn’t worried if my eggs were part of the recall. There is a lot more to this, but I’m not an expert on it (yet), and it would make this an even longer post.

The fourth reason is one that doesn’t occur to a lot of people. When you buy food grown and produced locally, you are doing a better job in supporting your local economy. A farm is a business, just like a restaurant or clothing shop is a business. Buying your goods from local businesses instead of national chains generates close to three times the money for the local economy. (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, Kingsolver, p. 149.)

Coinciding (but maybe not so coincidental) with our foray into locavore life, I’ve been reading a related book, called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, by Barbara Kingsolver. I highly suggest you read it, no matter where you live, whether urban or rural, and no matter whether you are a vegetarian or at the carnivore end of our omnivore spectrum. It gave me a new appreciation for our family farms and farmers and their struggles, and it’s important that we have our eyes wide open to what exactly it is that we put in our bodies every day. Moreover, find a farmers’ market nearby, and make it a date or family outing to check it out. You may be surprised at how close one is to you. Here are a couple of websites that may help:

http://www.localharvest.org/  (United States and some Canada)
http://www.cafarmersmarkets.com/ (California)

You can also find local co-ops that have a local store, permanent stand, or deliver direct to your home or business. Many of these farms often give tours. For example, Farm Fresh to You offers tours of their farm, Capay Organic, the second Saturday of the month. You can find similarevents and tours at http://www.localharvest.org/events.jsp.

Of course, we still have our weaknesses that we don’t buy entirely locally: Feta cheese, chocolate, tea, and decaf coffee are big ones. And we’re still figuring out how to get bread made from locally-grown grains, among other things. But we love the changes we’ve made so far, and intend to do more to bring our family’s focus back to the garden and kitchen. This change to local eating has also come with a focus on cooking, and less pre-packaged, quick-foods. We are inspired by this quote from Ms. Kingsolver:

Households that have lost the soul of cooking from their routines may not know what they’re missing: the song of a stir-fry sizzle, the small talk of clinking measuring spoons, the yeasty scent of rising dough, the painting of flavors onto a pizza before it slides into the oven. The choreography of many people working in one kitchen is, by itself, a certain definition of family, after people have made their separate ways home to be together. The nurturing arts are more than just icing on the cake, insofar as they influence survival. We have dealt to today’s kids the statistical hand of a shorter life expectancy than their parents, which would be us, the ones taking care of them. Our thrown-away food culture is the sole reason. By taking the faster drive, what did we save?

(Animal, p. 130.)

Our reasons for eating locally-grown goods are many and complicated. But doing so is not. The act of local eating is simplicity at its best and yummiest.

Manic Monday Munchies: Feta Cheese!

For this Manic Monday Munchies post, I decided to tell you about one of my all-time favorite single food items, Feta cheese.

The “feta” cheese you see at most grocery stores in the U.S. is not genuine Feta, for two reasons. The first is that it’s not from Greece. Of course, to many Greeks, this is the most important reason. But it’s an unfortunate part of our reality that it’s better for the environment, and more practical, to buy cheese that’s made closer to home. I’m not saying it’s the same. The Feta cheese from Greece has such a distinctive flavor, it’s like eating candy. (Can you tell that I’m drooling just thinking about it?) I’ll admit I usually buy the imported stuff (from Mani Imports).

It’s the second reason that really irks me. That is, the “feta” I’ve been able to find that’s made in the U.S. is made from cows milk. Genuine Greek Feta is made from sheep’s milk, sometimes with a little goat’s milk blended in. The difference in flavor between cow’s milk and sheep’s milk is like night and day – the cheese made with sheep’s milk is much sharper and richer in flavor, even slightly acidic. Sheep’s and goat’s milk is higher in calcium, vitamin B, and proteins than cow’s milk. Moreover, to get the correct color and texture from cow’s milk, chemical processes are used. So much for eating a natural food! These chemical processes aren’t necessary when Feta is made with the correct milk.

“Feta is crumbly in texture and white in color. Feta is traditionally sold in glass jars, although modern packaging techniques have become more commonplace. Feta needs to be covered in brine at all times otherwise it will dry out and mold fast and needs to be refrigerated at all times.” (http://www.igourmet.com/ST/encyclopedia.asp#greek)

Here is one Feta-producer’s description of how they make Feta cheese:

“Curd is molded in large round forms, which are hand-turned frequently as they drain. As the whey drains, the cheese-crafter adjusts timing to perfect each form's texture. After skillful dry-salting, wheels are placed in birch barrels for aging and preservation. There they sit in a 7% brine solution that originally allowed farmers to preserve their milk in the hot Mediterranean climate. Today that brine gives feta its characteristic tang.

By the end of the four-month maturation, a wonderfully creamy, rich, complex flavor is fully developed. ... Its traditional method of production contributes to its full taste, natural aroma and pure white color, properties which have established Feta over the centuries as a unique natural cheese of Greece.

Enjoy this premium feta in a traditional cheese pie, over eggs, stuffed into squash blossoms, or even fried. Or just relax with a slab of feta drizzled with olive oil and garnished with fresh oregano.”

(http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/prodview.aspx?cat=Salad+Needs&subcat=Salad+Cheeses&prod=823S&name=Authentic+Barrel-Aged+Feta)

Feta has been designated by the European Union as a product of Protected Designation of Origin (PDO), the origin being Greece. “According to the Code of Foods of Greek Legislation, Feta (Φέτα) is produced either from sheep milk or a mixture of sheep and goat milk, in the regions of Macedonia, Thrace, Epirus, Thessaly, Sterea, Peloponnese and Lesvos Island. It must be allowed to mature for at least two (2) months in wooden barrels or metal containers, covered in brine.” (http://fetamania.gr/english-html/feta.htm)

These days, most Feta cheese is made from pasteurized milk. In fact, I have yet to find one sold in the U.S., imported or otherwise, that isn’t. (My guess is that U.S. laws require it all to be pasteurized, but I don’t know for sure, so don’t quote me on that.) This is important to me because of the general rule of not eating soft cheeses when pregnant. Since I’ve been pregnant twice, I was worried about following the no-soft-cheese rule and having to avoid another of my favorite foods. However, if the only reason to avoid soft cheeses is the lack of pasteurization, which used to be common but isn’t anymore, then I could eat pasteurized Feta, right? I still haven’t received a satisfactory answer to this question, but when I do, I’ll come back to the subject and let you know.

In the meantime, I’m going to be right here with my plate of Feta cheese, a little hummus, Kalamata olives, and a glass of wine. Opa!

Manic Monday Munchies: Blueberry Breakfast Parfait

This week for Manic Monday Munchies, I decided to write about a really simple dish that is one of my almost-daily staples - my version of a healthy blueberry parfait!

The base is nonfat Greek yogurt, so while it's a great breakfast item, it can also be a snack or a dessert, and is especially refreshing in the summer! It's something that I also feel safe to continue eating when pregnant. Moreover, the yogurt adds a good quantity of protein-which I have found to be an important part to the start of my day. (The yogurt brand I use has 20g protein per serving.) It can also be a good way for vegetarians to get protein.

Jamie's Blueberry Breakfast Parfait
Layer the following ingredients in a glass dish or tall cup, then eat!

• 1 cup nonfat Greek yogurt
• 1/2 cup walnut halves
• 1/2 cup organic blueberries
• 1 Tbsp. honey

Some extra tips:
My favorite Greek yogurt is Fage, partly because it tastes so great and the texture is light and fluffy, but also because it has no artificial additives or preservatives, and the dairy farmers supplying Fage have pledged not to treat their cows with rBGH.

If you want to use smaller walnut pieces, then decrease the measuring cup size to end up with the same overall quantity of walnuts.

I like to use organic blueberries because (a) they taste better, and (b) when it comes to fruit that I eat skin-on, I think it's important that it's organic. I don't focus as much on eating organic bananas and oranges as I do berries, apples, etc. Also, while fresh blueberries taste great in this recipe, blueberries do freeze really well, and if you want an extra cold, refreshing, summer kick, you could always use frozen ones!

Enjoy!

Thankful Thursday: Let's Get Physical

Oooooo, a little bit of a risque image, right? Well, I thought it was appropriate for this edition of Thankful Thursday, which is about the physical.

I am thankful for this body God gave me, the home of my soul, temple of my spirit. I am thankful for the legs I have that can walk, run, and jump. Thankful for the eyes in my head that allow me to read and watch, and see all in the world that is so beautiful. I am thankful for the ears I have that allow me to hear, and to listen. Thankful for my lips I have to kiss my husband, and that will someday allow me to kiss my baby's head, and feel the soft fuzz of my baby's hair. I am thankful for the nose that will smell that sweet baby smell, and that allows me joy in the scent of gardenias, jasmine, the spring blossoms on my tangelo tree, and the warm pine and dirt scent of the mountains. I am thankful for the skin I have with which I can touch and be touched by loved ones, and that inexplicably gets goose bumps when I'm inspired or when I watch a hallmark commercial.

I'm thankful for my Wacky Wicketeer's sexy dimples, and his warm, bright eyes. Thankful for his strong arms that hold me close and comfort me. I'm thankful for his gentle hands and his heat-radiating body.

I'm thankful for the smell of clean sheets, the feel of a cool fan on a hot summer's day, and the taste of a tart popsicle.

Lisa Nichols has said: "No one else can dance your dance. No one else can sing your song. No one else can write your story. Who you are, what you do, begins right now."

I am thankful for me.

Manic Monday Munchies: Zucchini Bread

I had a couple of my favorite recipes come up in conversation recently, including one in which Cheryl over at chasingamiracle.com asked me for the recipe. During this whole infertility, pregnancy, and miscarriage journey, food has become an important part of my journey. Not knowing the cause of my Wacky Wicketeer's sperm challenges, or our miscarriages, has led me to much research of what we should and shouldn't be eating that might be harming or helping our reproductive health. I have even gone so far as to shift my time away from work and spend more time cooking from scratch and packing the Wicketeer's lunches for him to take to work.

All that to explain why I am starting a new regular posting called Manic Monday Munchies! Sometimes it will be a recipe, and other times just a discussion about food.

We eat very little in the way of sweets, despite us each having a sweet tooth. This recipe for zucchini bread is one of the few I consider to be not only a side dish or breakfast item, but also a possible dessert, that I still make with regularity. My stepmom gave me this recipe, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!

Shelley's Zucchini Bread

• 2 cups sugar
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 3 eggs
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• ¼ tsp baking powder
• ½ cup chopped nuts
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 3 cups sifted flour
• ¼ tsp salt
• 1 tsp soda
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp allspice
• ½ tsp cloves

Mix all ingredients together until smooth using electric mixer. Bake in 2 greased loaf pans at 325 degrees for 1 hour. Let cool 10 minutes.

Makes 2 loaves.

A few notes:

• Make sure to use a vegetable oil and a pan-greaser (butter or vegetable shortening) with zero trans-fats.
• I have considered trying apple sauce in place of the vegetable oil in the recipe, but haven't done so yet. Let me know how it works out if you are brave enough to try it that way!
• I have tried substituting about half the flour with whole wheat flour to increase the amount of fiber, but the result can really vary as far as texture and such. Again, let me know what your ratio and results are if you try this substitution.

Thankful Thursday

I'm going to try to post a gratitude list on Thursdays, so here is today's.

I am thankful for the financial stability we have been graced with. Thankful that both our cars are paid off, we have no credit card debt, and my spouse has a great job that he enjoys and that allows for me to do whatever I want on a daily basis. And for the bonus that is going to let me buy a new couch next month!

I'm thankful for the healthy body that God has given me. I feel so lucky to have it in working order.

I'm thankful for where I am in my life and in the world. I'm thankful that God has put me right here, right now. My history has made me who I am, and I love that person.

I'm also thankful for my wonderful husband. It is absolutely amazing to find someone who can love me the same way I love him. To have a partner in every sense of the word-someone who is both your equal and your opposite, with whom you develop a way of flowing through each day together. Giving and taking, supporting and opposing, all as needed, and in a strange, rhythmic way that just feels right. I suppose that's what makes him my soulmate.