Wordless Wednesday: So Many Thoughts

Photo by Mary at Flickr's Creative Commons.

A Baby Dream

Over the course of this TTC, infertility, and miscarriage roller coaster, I have had many dreams regarding being pregnant, miscarriages, etc. But last night I had the most vivid dream actually about my baby. I have tried to decide whether it was about one of the two babies I have lost, or about a baby I will have or hope to have in the future, and I've decided that it doesn't matter.

It was a little girl. We had just arrived home from the hospital, and although I knew she was supposed to be strapped into her car seat in the back, in the way that dreams work, I was suddenly holding her in the front seat. I held her in my arms and kissed her on her fuzzy head and her cool, pink cheeks, and she smelled so good it made me cry. When I kissed her cheeks, I could feel her tiny eyelashes on my nose.

Then I realized that I had yet to feed her, and started freaking out a little because I knew she should have been fed much earlier! On top of it, I had never had the nurse instruct me on how to breastfeed! But I was so worried about the fact that she hadn't fed yet, I decided I had to do it right there in the front seat of the car, parked in my garage. And I did. And it worked perfectly. No instruction needed. And she was so beautiful, with her little suckling noises, and her soft little head. I cried again.

I started to wake up, and for the first time in years, I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in that dream more than anything. But I couldn't. I woke up.

Wordless Wednesday: A series of delicate beauties

Thankful Thursday 2

I am thankful for my education. The years I spent in public grade school, as an undergraduate in college, and in law school, established a foundation on which I can rely for the rest of my life. It enables me to analyze problems, complex and simple, fluid and halting, theoretical and existing. It gave me the confidence to believe in myself and my own opinions, and to think critically. Wealth, health, loved ones, and even freedom can be taken away, but not education.

I'm also thankful for my grandparents. They were a soft place to land as a child, all about hugs and cookies, Christmas and birthdays. They taught me the value in learning from my elders, about our history, as a family, a culture, and a nation, so that I can learn from the mistakes of those who came before me. They taught me how to waterski, fish, use a screwdriver, do my makeup, shave, make apricot cobbler, walk like a penguin, to wash my hands before eating, and that there are times in which, if I don't have anything nice to say, then I shouldn't say anything at all.

Wordless Wednesday: Life & Beauty Find a Way