99 Things

OK, I'm jumping on PCOS Chick and Ready to be a Mom's bandwagon and doing my own 99 things post! I just couldn't resist...

The post is a list of 99 things you could have done.  Highlight the ones that you yourself have done.  Gave me some ideas for what else I need to do!

1. Started your own blog – Um, yes, this one!

2. Slept under the stars – Many times - camping in the forest, on a boat in a lake, in my backyard as a kid.

3. Played in a band - As a pre-teen and teenager. When I was in high school, me and three other girls had a speed-metal badn for a short time. I played bass guitar, and our main song was "There's a Rock in My Shoe!"

4. Visited Hawaii - Twice, Maui and Oahu

Jamie & DH at North Shore, Oahu, Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower – I love astronomy and star-gazing

6. Given more than you can afford to charity - I should probably do this a little more, though.

7. Been to DisneyWorld – Nope, but Disneyland numerous times.

8. Climbed a mountain - Made it to the top of Half Dome. Tried Mt. Saint Helens, but started too late and had to turn back.  I would like to do more of this.

Jamie in front of Half Dome

Mt. Lassen during a camping trip

                                              

9. Held a praying mantis – I used to catch them, play with them and keep them in jars with airholes as a kid.

10. Sang a solo – So my table could get dinner at a wedding buffet.

11. Bungee jumped – No, and I never will. Would rather skydive.

12. Visited Paris – Yes, but it was far too brief a visit. I need to go back.

13. Watched a lightning storm – Many from home, and an amazing and scary one while camping in the Badlands in South Dakota.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - Taught myself how to paint with acrylics and most of what I know of cooking...and how to do my make-up.  Actually, a lot of things I know how to do are self-taught.

15. Adopted a child - Someday!

16. Had food poisoning - Too many times, including once from e. coli that was on lettuce at a banquet - hundreds of us got sick.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty – No, but I did stand on top of the World Trade Center.

18. Grown your own vegetables – Yep, I have a garden.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France – No, this is why I need to go back!

20. Slept on an overnight train - Yes, traveling from a little town in Slovakia to Prague, in the Czech Republic.  Got woken up by big, scary customs guys banging on my door and speaking in a language I didn't understand several times. Slept with my passport in my hand.

21. Had a pillow fight – I have a sister and was in a sorority, so duh.

22. Hitchhiked – No, and probably never will. Far too dangerous.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – It's called a mental health day. =)

24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping – hmmm. several times, although they are a little fuzzy...

27. Run a Marathon – I hope to some day!

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice – GAH! I would have, except my dear husband, who at the time was my boyfriend, got food poisoning, and by the time he felt better, we had to be in Milan to catch a plane. =(  We LOVE Venice, and mean to go back and take that ride!

Jamie in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset – Hasn't everybody?

31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language - Taught myself some Italian and now teaching myself a little Greek

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - One stop on our honeymoon!

Jamie & the Leaning Tower of Pisa

39. Gone rock climbing – Just indoor

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David- Another honeymoon stop!

41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I never thought of this one. What a good idea!

44. Visited Africa - I soooo hope I can someday!

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance - see food poisoning description, above.

47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing - no, but since my cousin is a guide for this, I really should...

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - as high as they would let us go at the time. I can't remember if it was the top or not.

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling – Snorkeling. Too claustrophobic for scuba.

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud - As a kid often. These days, it's called gardening. ;-)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater – Used to go all the time as a kid, and went to one nearby just last summer.

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business - I have three of them right now.

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies – I was a girl scout for 5 years and sold cookies for each of them

62. Gone whale watching - in Hawaii

63. Got flowers for no reason – Yes, but before I was married, and not from my husband (honey, I hope you're reading this)

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma – Yes, twice donated blood for general use, and then donated for my dad's brain surgery, and they hit a major nerve in my arm and caused permanent nerve damage, so no more.

65. Gone sky diving - I SO want to do this!

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp - Just outside of Munich, I can't remember the name. It was so incredibly sad.

67. Bounced a check - I don't remember it, but I used to be so bad at balancing my checkbook, I'm sure I did when I was younger.

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy - I still have many, including babrbie dolls, cabbage patch kids, my little ponies, a kimberly doll and some stuffed bunny rabbits! Most are in storage, but the bunnies share the bed when my dear husband is gone.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial - Gave me goosebumps.

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone – None, and um, I don't plan to. This shouldn't really be on a list of things you want to do, should it?

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book – Not a book, but been published academically.

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper - Several times

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve – This was the same night as one of the skinny dipping incidents. lol

86. Visited the White House - Not sure what counts as a visit, I stood at the gate, but security was too high and you couldn't get a tour.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – Fish.

88. Had chickenpox – For my ninth birthday.

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous - Former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan and his wife (got to sit and talk with them for awhile), composer Henry Mancini, Jerry Rice, Bubba Paris, Don Larsen, Peja Stojakovic...probably more, but I can't remember right now.

92. Joined a book club - lol. I run one.

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby – Not yet!

95. Seen the Alamo in person - hoping to this year

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a lawsuit – LOL. I'm a lawyer, so yes.

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

So there is my version of 99 things! I'm hoping to add some pictures soon, but right now it's time to go to bed.  If you want to play, copy and paste this list and highlight the things you have done!

I know, I know, it has been too long!

The last 6 months have been quite a roller coaster, I tell ya.  And, as promised, I will complete my discussion regarding our TTC journey.  For now, though, I just needed to pop in for a quick hello, and to share with you all my current revelation: I hate the fact that I snore!

All I want to do right now is curl up in bed next to my husband and sleep cozily next to him all night.  But I know that about two hours later, he is going to get up and go into the guest room to get some sleep because my snoring wakes him up and keeps him awake.  I saw Mr. Ed on late night TV the other night and the thought occurred to me that snoring could be one reason Wilbur and his wife sleep in seperate beds - and what of that is ultimately where my husband and I are headed?  Not because we don't love or even desire each other anymore, but simply for the ability to get a night's precious sleep!

I've tried those Breathe Right strips off and on, allergy meds, different pillows, including the special anti-snoring pillow (which just made my neck and shoulder hurt!).  I just can't seem to find the solution.  I'm sure my weight adds to the problem, but trying to get pregnant is counter-productive to effectively losing weight.

I hate that I snore - so I'm open to any suggestions!

Our New TTC Protocol, Part One: Yes, Women ARE Complicated!

I’ve often heard men say that women are complicated. Men, you have no idea! So read on.

There are basically four levels of assisted reproductive therapy ("ART"): (1) a medicated cycle, (2) intra-uterine insemination (“IUI”), (3) in-vitro fertilization (“IVF”), and (4) intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (“ICSI”). Because timing, and everything after intercourse, relies so much on the woman’s body, medicated cycles alone can help women who have unexplained infertility, irregular, or unpredictable cycles. The medication also has a higher occurrence of more then one egg being released, increasing the opportunity for a sperm to fertilize an egg.

The average woman’s menstrual cycle is 28 days long, and she will ovulate (“O”) usually on cycle day (“CD”) 14. Ovulation refers to the release of a mature egg from an ovary. Cycle day one is the first day of a woman’s full-flow menstruation. These are the dates that conception, and therefore assisted reproductive therapies, are based on.

My cycles are rather predictable, with O arriving on CD 14 like clockwork (unless I get sick earlier in my cycle). They are a little on the shorter end, at 24-25 days long, but this is not short enough to be diagnosed with a defect because of it. Since we have moderate male-factor infertility (“MFI”), the least-invasive step that could help for my husband and I is IUI. In proceeding with IUI, many fertility specialists like to have the woman on medications also to make her cycle extremely predictable, stable, increase the number of eggs released to increase the odds, and make her as fertile as possible. It made me feel like a bionic baby-making machine!

Anyhow, I liken IUI to the turkey-baster method. This seems to be a working metaphor, and it sticks in my friends’ and family members’ heads so I don’t have to repeat the descriptions over and over again! It also contrasts nicely with the next step, which is IVF, or what I refer to as the petrie dish method. A quick description of IVF and ICSI: For IVF, the sperm are donated and treated as in an IUI, and mature eggs are extracted from the woman’s body, then the two are put in a container together, and hopefully, sperm meets egg there. ICSI is IVF with the sperm being injected into the egg(s). We have been told that if IUI doesn’t work for us after about three times, ICSI would be the next step.

So, back to our current cycle, new protocol and IUI. It all starts with me taking Clomid on CDs 3-7. As it was explained to me, Clomid acts like a little general in your brain telling it to stop listening to certain hormones and to listen to the Clomid instead, which mainly tells it to mature extra follicles (in which eggs are maturing). Side effects that I had from it included hot flashes, bloating, headaches, and blind spots (like stars you see when you get a concussion or a migraine). I have heard from other gals that modd swings are also very common, and the doctor warned me that the Clomid could thin out the uterine lining and decrease cervical mucus (which is an important fluid present around O that helps the sperm swim through the cervix and into the uterus). Because of the last couple of side effects from Clomid, the next drug is Estrogen, or Estradiol, which I took on CDs 8-12. The bloating continued, but the other side effects subsided. Starting on CD 11, I had to use an ovulation predictor kit (“OPK”) first thing in the morning, and as soon as we had a positive, call the clinic and go in for an intra-vaginal ultrasound (“IVUS”) to see how big my mature follicles are and how thick my uterine lining is, and from that, predict how close I am to O. We also had to abstain starting on CD 9 until the insemination, so that my husband could build up a good store of soldiers before making his deposit! They start you on CD 9 in case you have to get the IUI on CD 12, so that you have three days of storage, but I didn’t O until CD 14 (as usual), so it was a long time, I tell ya! And mind you, those days are your most fertile, so for the last two years, that’s been baby-dancing time! What a switch…

Next post will continue at CD 13 when we went in for my IVUS to check out the follies. Make sure to check back!

-J

Misconceptions about Infertility (no pun intended)

Please let my lawyer-self come out for a moment and make this disclaimer: I am not a doctor or any sort of medical professional. The information I share in this blog is from my reading, experience, and layperson opinion. I will try to cite reputable sources as often as possible.

I want to tell you about our new plan/protocol that is now underway, but before I do that there are a few more general issues I’d like to opine about. In particular, I want to dispel some of the more common misconceptions about infertility. One of the reasons I think this is important to do is because I know I may have some friends and family members reading this who are unfamiliar with infertility.

Infertility is not rare. In the United States, ten to 15 percent of couples are infertile. (Mayo Clinic, at http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infertility/DS00310.) According to the Mayo Clinic, infertility is the inability to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected intercourse for at least a year. (Ibid.) Several papers I have read from various clinics and sources define infertility more specifically as the inability to get pregnant despite having regular, unprotected intercourse for at least a year under the age of 35, or for at least six months if 35 or older. If the man or woman is diagnosed with a fertility-impairing condition prior to that time, they also may be considered infertile. I have noted that the population usually tested consists of married couples in which the woman is of “child-bearing age”, or 15-44 years of age.

In my experience, people often blow off infertility as insignificant, something that only rarely happens, and not to them. But if ten to 15 percent of couples are infertile, that means that more than 1 in 10 of the couples you know have, are, or will be struggling to bear a child. Infertility has been a taboo subject for far too long, leaving these people feeling isolated, unsupported, and misjudged.

Another broadly misunderstood aspect of infertility is that “it’s a woman’s problem.” In this day and age, I haven’t heard anyone actually use this phrase, but it is inherent in the assumption that people make that if a couple is infertile, there is something wrong with the woman.

Numbers vary on the exact percentages of the frequency that infertility is caused by a woman’s problem, a man’s problem, both, or is unexplained. Personally, I believe part of this problem in getting an accurate representation is simply that, if a couple is having trouble getting pregnant, the woman is far more likely to go see the doctor about it and get tested. Also, many symptoms or signs of infertility in women are more easily noticeable than in men. The National Women’s Health Information Center stated: “About one-third of infertility cases are caused by women’s problems. Another one third of fertility problems are due to the man. The other cases are caused by a mixture of male and female problems or by unknown problems.” (http://www.womenshealth.gov/FAQ/infertility.cfm#c.)

The third misconception I want to mention here about MFI (male factor infertility), is that a man’s fertility depends simply on his sexual performance, such that, if he has a fertility problem, he must not be a great performer in bed. On the contrary, all the stories I know about MFI entail men between the ages of 24 and 50, who have low sperm counts, morphology or motility, and are stallions in bed! (Their wives or partners have provided me with this data.) This includes my own husband. Enough said about that.

Watch for my next entry, which I plan on being about our new protocol.

The Ups and Downs of Infertility

Today is the first day of a new chapter for my husband and I. Today I started the medication to prepare for assisted reproductive therapy, or ART. It has been a long road to get to this point, but, fortunately, not as bumpy as it is for some. Some people go through multiple miscarriages as they try to conceive. Not us. At least, not yet.

Two years ago, we decided we were as ready as we’d ever be to be parents, so we set aside the birth control and got down to business. We were 31 years old, and wanted to have two kids before we were 35, so I looked up what I needed to know so we could be as effective as possible at our “baby dancing”.

For those of you who don’t know, there is only a period of time of about 4 days, give or take, during each menstrual cycle, that baby dancing (BD) can result in a pregnancy. The window generally consists of the three days before ovulation (O), and the day of O. With busy lives, it can be easy to miss that precious window.

The average woman of child-bearing age ovulates on about cycle day (CD) 14, but it can vary. The average woman also has a menstrual cycle of 28 days, but this can vary, too. To establish her particular fertile window, a woman can take her temperature every morning with a special, sensitive thermometer, and she can use ovulation predictor kit tests – or “pee on a stick” (POAS).

I did all this, and continued doing it off and on for the past two years. My own cycles average 25 days long, so they go faster than a month, but there were multiple times when we had to take off from trying to conceive (TTC). First, because I had to get an MMR vaccine and a TDAP vaccine, and then because I donated blood for my Dad’s surgery.

In the summer of 2008, we started talking to our doctors about fertility, and both got certain tests done. It turns out we have low sperm morphology, creating mild, male factor infertility. That’s the only diagnosis we’ve been able to get. It’s not that we can’t get pregnant, it’s just that we have a lower statistical chance.

So, we spent 22 cycles trying, then hoping, praying and waiting, for the wonderful news. Each cycle, counting down the days, getting negative pregnancy tests, crying when that time of the month came that “Aunt Flo” showed up with her cramps, bloating, backache and all, until I felt like I was going insane.

Today, I had lunch with a good friend and colleague, and we caught up on our TTC misadventures. I mentioned to her that about 16 babies had been born around me, to friends, family, and physically near acquaintances, during the time we have been trying to have a baby of our own. After I got home, I sat down and actually made a list. The total count of babies born or currently pregnant mothers in my world in the last two years is actually 32. And four of those are to two women. The same two women I jealously watched have their first children almost two years ago are already having their seconds.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I love all these parents, whether as friends, family, or just through the love of humanity, and I would never, ever, want to replace their joy with sorrow. I am happy for them. But I am also sad for myself and my husband. I would like more people to realize that every belly pic, every joyous, “it’s a boy!” every baby shower, and every adorable photo of their little ones brings tears to my eyes, and rips open a hole in my heart. Maybe it will help them better appreciate the challenges that kids bring. Maybe when the kids are screaming, and the baby’s crying, they’ll realize that it could be worse – they could have never had those beautiful babies. Moral of the story: Take nothing for granted, including the ability to get pregnant.

Albert Einstein is attributed with the quote, “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I definitely reached that place. I thought, well, maybe we’re not meant to be parents. Maybe God has another plan for us. But, really? How could that be possible, when I can feel with all my heart and soul that there’s supposed to be a baby in my arms? I struggled with the idea that we should just give up, but I couldn’t do it. My whole life, I’ve been taught, and lived by, the concept that I must never give up.

Now, I have a new protocol, something different that my dear husband and I can do to have our babies. For the first time in months, I feel cautiously optimistic, like my head is starting to come out of a fog. I can physically feel depression lifting, despite the additional hormones and chemicals that are starting to course through my body. I’m ready, so bring it on.